Wednesday, September 15, 2010

a broken heart .. [from his blog]



Most people had relationship in their past that didnt work. most people have at least one such relationship that is very hard to let go of. This is the one that got away, but shouldn't have. This is the one that felt as if it was meant to be. This is the one that felt like true love yet just would not work..

As a guy, its pretty normal not to usually think too much about the whole “heartbreak” thingy, but i gotta say, this is definitely one of the hardest i have ever had to deal with. i dont even know how to handle this stuff.. yeah i’ve had my share of heartaches before but i must admit, this one is far different than those..


She is the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i probably would’ve done anything to save “us” but sometimes no matter how you want to make it work for some reason it wouldn’t, simply because you want her to have that freedom --to do her thing and just let her be free on whatever she wishes to do, act or even dress up comfortably knowing that she might not be as comfortable with you watching or complimenting and so on..


There have been other girls in my past, its only her whom i considered to be the mother of my kids, the one who i dream to kiss good night and wake up with her by my side, im all set for that, been wishing and praying for all of it to actually come true.. i guess that explains why i am having a hard time with everything that is happening now, im not usually this weak when it comes to heartbreaks, i am more of the “ah ok” and ” leave em as it is” type but damn it hurts so bad and i feel so helpless that i dont know what to do, im just so lost, it seems like there’s just no way to get over it, after all i cnt just turn off my feelings. im not a machine, a computer or laptop that can be rebooted and everything will be all right. I'd be lying if i say i dont wana move on from all of this. I wish i could get up and feel different, be different, wake up and not hurting from the thoughts that haunted me through the night. wake up, and forget she ever existed –forget we ever existed!


Its been few days and im still not ok.. cnt forget how much i love her. how much i wish i could mend whatever is broken or at least mend what is broken with in me now. i cnt even think or look at someone else, maybe for a second i entertain the idea but then there comes the tightness of my chest, it pours out. no doubt, she is still everything to me. I cnt imagine what or where i would be without her.. I see her everywhere, whatever i do, wherever i go would always lead me back to her, there’s no escape, no matter how i try to shoo it away the more it gets into my system..


Hmm it took awhile for me to understand that letting go doesnt mean you dont care for someone anymore, It just reached a point wherein i needed to let go not because I WANTED to but because i NEEDED to.. though a part of me is still hoping that, Someday.. Somehow.. Somewhere.. in the time that we both dont expect, who knows our path will cross and maybe.. Just maybe –-IT WOULD BE OUR TIME!

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